Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
