Swine flu. Run for my life!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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