Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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