we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
