you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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