my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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