All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wish there were birth control emojis
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
