It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Bring me that man meat
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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