My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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