Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
