Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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