The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
