He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am available for nakedness
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
