i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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