ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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