I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
