Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am naked and annoyed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
