This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sarcasm needs its own font
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
