UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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