I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
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My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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