I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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