puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
