He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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