There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
