i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
