I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
