I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My liver just had a heart attack.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My feet surprised me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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