: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize