Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
