3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize