I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
