i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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