My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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