Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Soap is not a condiment
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
