Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
