So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
