Can i not drive my cunt home
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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