I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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