I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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