I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
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we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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