So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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