when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
