This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
