peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you never un-have a 4some
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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