well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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