I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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