@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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