guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i will never coherently bang her
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
