Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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