I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
