areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
