Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
