I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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