hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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