I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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