Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We are two peas in an std pod
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
