i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
