I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
