hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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