So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
