it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
