Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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